IHP: Waiting

In His Presence conference... Thoughts are everywhere, Sunday afternoon I was driving to Jody's going away party and the thought struck me that I had been feeling like I needed to wait until I was more "whole" before ... well, before I'd be ready for the next level of whatever it is/was that God wanted for me (especially related to the music ministry). The thought being that one of the problems in my prior "incarnation" was that I primarily functioned as an unattached rogue and that had the unfortunate tendency of there being an untenable gap between my songs and my lifestyle, to the point where I "had" to give it all up at a certain point. So "being whole," I was waiting for something to change so that I'd be less vulnerable in the event of spiritual attack. And quite honestly i'd interpreted "being whole" as being united with my significant other. But as I was driving on Sunday, I had a sense that the connection I knew I needed wasn't with J. I mean, at least theoretically I had the same possible connection 20-years ago with Kim. But that clearly didn't work, or at least bring to a balanced functioning place. I mean, I know that I'm not meant to be that rogue, but I can't wait for her, or make it conditional on that connection. Somehow, I already have what I need and my connection with her is something else. And my connection to Him is of greater importance, value and power. I don't know what the plan is but I know that waiting is not part of the "plan." JBB