A Love Not Spoken Of
Recently a friend questioned where I was with my faith when I told her I was looking for a new church. It wasn't so much that I was looking for a new church that sparked her concern but that one of the churches that I visited was a Presbyterian church, which was, admittedly, quite a jump from the independent-laid-back Southern California Calvary Chapel/Vineyard Fellowship-type of church I have been going to. She had strong feelings because she'd grown up in a Presbyterian church that "went liberal" when she was a kid and her family and community revolted and fought back to reclaim their church from the denomination and get back to their fundamentalist roots. From what I could tell the church I'd visited was a basic Bible-believing group. Then added that even when I was at Biola, given my experience with the Roman Catholic church, and my two years as a religious studies major at a Jesuit university, I was always more than a little left of center when it came to theology. So that led to a run-down of where I stood on such things as Biblical Inerrancy and the Virgin Birth, etc. When she got to the issue of sexual orientation I told her that I did have a problem with Paul's damning of homosexuals. We didn't really talk about it, but my feeling is that Paul's experience of Homosexuality only in terms of promiscuity goes right along side his feelings against heterosexual promiscuity. And quite frankly I'm in no position to judge anyone when it comes to that area of my life. I just don't think that either we really understand what he meant or he just didn't get it right. I just don't think that treating it (sexuality whether hetero- or homosexuality) as a sin gets to the root of what all of this really means.Anyway, not long are this discussion I got an email that really hits to the heart of where our Christian culture gets it wrong as far as sexuality. There are no easy answers, but we clearly have to do better than what this woman has experienced. The following is a very strong and moving letter written by the mother of a gay boy in Vermont...
"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.
How dare he you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.
The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"
Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that? "
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35 JBB
music: KFI Tech Guy 167 - Leo Laport - KFI August 2005